4 weeks 5 days.

My baby is the size of a red lentil today. I want my little one to keep growing…

I don’t know why but I am having the worst anxiety about miscarriage. I fall into a hole where I am googling miscarriage statistics, molar pregnancies, blighted ovum and HCG numbers… I can’t stop. It’s becoming an obsession especially because I keep waking up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back to sleep so I Google things.

I had great HCG numbers. I had a very thick lining. I’m on progesterone suppositories. I’m having a lot of symptoms. I have never had a miscarriage (or pregnancy) before. I’m only 23… I have no reason to think I will have a miscarriage yet… It won’t leave my head.

I’m also upset because my husband’s family don’t seem excited or really even seem to care that we’re pregnant. This is both my husband and I’s first child but they don’t seem to share our excitement.

Yet my parents are through the moon so I am worried it might be upsetting my husband. I just wish people could be happy for us.

You know that saying … “treat people how you want to be treated?”

Well I am calling bullshit. I am such an enthusiastic person when someone tells me good news. I enjoy being happy for people and celebrating. I have been SO EXCITED for his sister and was always asking her how she was feeling, when’s her next ultrasound and the whole nine yards.

Her responce when we gave her a Valentine’s Day card from our baby?

“Oh wow (sarcastically) will you look at that… congrats guys…” and a one armed hug.

His mom just said “oh that’s great, congrats”

His dad said “well looks like you guys have some planning” no congrats or I’m happy for you.

Maybe I am being hormonal or sensitive but it hurt my feelings that they don’t actually seem excited or happy for us.

Anyways… We’re excited and my family is really excited. We can’t wait to see baby on the 27th and I hope they give us an ultrasound picture.

On another happy note I was naughty and bought a REALLY CUTE SHIRT. I won’t be wearing it until we announce but I am thinking I will take my bump pics in it as it grows.

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4 thoughts on “4 weeks 5 days.

  1. LOVE the shirt. Fear of miscarriage is totally normal, I’ve discovered. I’m still scared at 15+ weeks– I’m trying to look at it as the first of many worried periods I’ll have over keeping this little one alive in its life! My counselor advised honoring the fear and then blasting it with an act of faith- like buying the cute shirt! I’m so sorry your family was less than enthusiastic, it sucks bawlz. I hope that you have a dear friend you can share with, or make a pact with husband to be super excited together. I’m super excited for you! 🙂

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    • Thank you so much for your kindness. I really appreciate it. You’re definitely right, this is just the first step to worrying about our little ones for the rest of their lives.

      My husband and I are through the roof excited! As our my parents and my close friends that have followed us through our infertility journey.

      I am so happy to hear what your counsellor suggested. That has definitely been the route we have been following our whole journey… We have been buying baby items for our hope chest ever since we decided to TTC because we had faith it would eventually happen – which it did! So we are definitely trying to stay hopeful.

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  2. Like the other person said, I had those fears too! I’m your age and I think just because it took us so long to get pregnant that I worry something will happen. I googled all the time, but found that I didn’t need to read all of that stuff. It adds unneeded stress! Just take it day by day. When you’re further along it the baby’s movements give you more reassurance and keep your mind at ease!

    Don’t let his parents bring you down! They may be more excited than you think but just don’t show it well

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    • Thank you. I definitely agree that I think it’s because it took so long. Four days until my ultrasound so at least my biggest worry can be crossed off then (I’m so worried of a blighted ovum for some reason). I do hope his family is actually more excited than they’re showing. I think a lot of it revolves around the fact that his sister is currently pregnant so she’s probably not happy we’re pregnant at the same time but who knows.

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